Team Conrad or Team Jeremiah? The Psychology Behind Your Ship
Post 5 in the Pretty Complicated Series: Psychology Behind The Summer I Turned Pretty
You’ve picked your side. Maybe it’s the brooding, poetic older brother who breaks your heart with his silences. Maybe it’s the golden retriever of a boy who wears his love on his sleeve. Either way, if you’ve ever uttered “Team Conrad” or “Team Jeremiah,” you’re participating in something much deeper than fandom rivalry.
This post explores the psychology of parasocial relationships, romantic archetypes, and why so many of us feel emotionally invested in fictional love triangles. Spoiler: it’s not just about who ends up with who—it’s about who you are when you’re watching.
What Are Parasocial Relationships?
Parasocial relationships are one-sided emotional connections that viewers form with media figures—fictional or real. Originally coined by Horton & Wohl (1956), these relationships feel real because they tap into the same neural pathways as actual social bonds (Giles, 2002; Tukachinsky, 2011).
In the context of TSITP:
Belly becomes a projection screen for viewers’ own coming-of-age stories
Conrad and Jeremiah represent different attachment “fantasies”
The show mimics real relational tension, activating empathy, arousal, and investment
When we ship Belly with one brother over the other, we’re also choosing whose emotional style we resonate with more. Or maybe—whose love we wish we’d received.
Projection and Idealization: It’s Not Really About Them
Psychodynamic theory suggests that we often project parts of ourselves (or our unmet needs) onto others, especially love interests (Freud, 1914; Westen, 1991). In media, characters can become vessels for:
Our unfulfilled longings
Our former selves (who just wanted to be chosen)
Our inner archetypes (e.g., savior, caretaker, rebel, muse)
Team Conrad fans may be drawn to:
Emotional intensity and mystery
The fantasy of being the only one who can reach him
A romanticized version of avoidance and longing
Team Jeremiah fans may resonate with:
Safety, warmth, and emotional availability
The desire to be cherished openly
A narrative of love without games
Neither is wrong—both are projections. And both say something about your emotional blueprint.
What If I Don’t Relate?
Not everyone sees themselves in Belly. Not everyone wants either boy. For LGBTQ+ viewers, viewers of color, disabled or neurodivergent fans, or anyone who never saw themselves in the “main character” role, parasocial bonds can be more complicated.
They can be:
Aspirational: imagining inclusion in spaces we were historically excluded from
Disruptive: triggering feelings of erasure or invisibility
Reclaiming: using fandom to re-author the narrative in affirming ways (e.g., fanfic, queer-coded reads)
Parasocial attachment becomes healing when it helps us feel less alone. It becomes harmful when it reinforces exclusion or unworthiness.
Why Love Triangles Work (and Why We Can’t Look Away)
Love triangles activate ambivalence, a powerful emotional state that keeps us hooked. The uncertainty of "who will she choose?" mirrors real-life romantic indecision—and the thrill of possibility. This taps into:
Dopaminergic reward systems (Schultz, 2007): Uncertainty boosts pleasure
Mirror neurons (Iacoboni, 2009): We feel what Belly feels
Attachment activation: Watching others navigate closeness and rejection triggers our own relational wounds
Research on audience engagement shows that emotionally ambivalent storylines increase viewer loyalty and emotional investment. In short, the triangle works because it’s unresolved.
Shippers as Identity Architects
When you join a fandom—or declare your “team”—you’re not just talking about TV. You’re making meaning. You’re:
Affirming what kind of love you think is worth fighting for
Rewriting your own emotional history
Building a community around shared values and aesthetics
Even debates between shippers can reveal deeper beliefs: Is love supposed to be easy or hard? Should we chase mystery or stability? Is passion the same as safety?
Reflection Prompts
Which character or couple do you feel most connected to—and why?
How have media relationships influenced your understanding of love or friendship?
When has a fictional story helped you through a difficult real-life moment?
Activity: Your Ship, Your Story
Write a journal entry or letter to one of the TSITP couples (or characters) explaining:
What you love about their relationship dynamics
What fears or hopes they bring up for you personally
How you imagine your own ideal relationship—what’s important to you?
Bonus: Consider how your “ship” might change if the story had a different ending.
Closing Thought: Your Ship, Your Story
Whether you're Team Conrad, Team Jeremiah, or Team “Belly Should Choose Herself,” the point isn’t who’s right. The point is: who are you when you watch?
What does your ship teach you about how you love, how you long, and how you heal?
When we fall in love with characters, we’re often remembering how to fall in love with parts of ourselves.
References:
Freud, S. (1914). On narcissism: An introduction. Standard Edition of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud, 14, 67–102.
Giles, D. C. (2002). Parasocial interaction: A review of the literature and a model for future research. Media Psychology, 4(3), 279–305. https://doi.org/10.1207/S1532785XMEP0403_04
Horton, D., & Wohl, R. R. (1956). Mass communication and parasocial interaction. Psychiatry, 19(3), 215–229.
Iacoboni, M. (2009). Mirroring People: The New Science of How We Connect with Others. Farrar, Straus and Giroux.
Schultz, W. (2007). Behavioral dopamine signals. Trends in Neurosciences, 30(5), 203–210. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tins.2007.03.007
Tukachinsky, R. (2011). Para-romantic love and para-friendships: Development and assessment of a multiple-parasocial relationships scale. American Journal of Media Psychology, 4(1–4), 73–94.
Westen, D. (1991). Social cognition and object relations. Psychological Bulletin, 109(3), 429–455.